Periods Aren’t the Only Thing Complicating a Swinger’s Lifestyle…

My wife and I are swingers, fairly new to the lifestyle and for the most part we’re completely comfortable.  The one exception is the time of the month that she’s hormonal.  I’m always trying to let her know she’s the one true one for me and that it’s just sex and has nothing to do with love, but yet she still gets jealous from time to time.  Is there anything I can do to let her know I love her and she has no reason to be jealous?

Aaron, CA, 31



I would venture to say that if she is feeling insecure during her period, she’s probably feeling insecure other times of the month as well. Just because some women become emotional during their menstrual cycle, doesn’t mean that those feelings are not genuine, or based in truth. I would recommend talking to her at a time where she appears to be more secure with your lifestyle and ask her why she is feeling particularly confident.

While jealousy is a natural emotion to feel, especially among people in open relationships, it should not be overlooked or ignored. I’m glad you are willing to address this instead of gloss it over. Her jealousy could be a manifestation of her own challenges with embracing this lifestyle. It could be a reflection of her own insecurities and shortcomings. It could be a deeper seeded issue that stems as far back as childhood. That being said, for your relationship to reach an ultimate place of trust and acceptance, you need to get to the root of why she is feeling insecure. Chances are, if you can work through this bump in the road and come to a solid understanding of the problem, your relationship will be stronger for it. However, be aware of the fact that addressing the issue might require more than simply providing verbal assurance – it might also require an adaptation to your current lifestyle. Are you OK with that? Are you OK with setting different ground rules?

You may want to consider taking a temporary break from swinging while you work through these issues and then slowly integrate it back into your lives. Once you both have a solid foundation of trust within your relationship, you’ll be far better equipped at enjoying the benefits of being swingers. If not, then you’re basically just putting a band-aid over a bullet hole and eventually…the dam is gonna break.

Let me know how it goes!


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About The Author

Jacky St. James hails from the East Coast, graduating with a BA in Drama and Anthropology and is a multiple award winning adult writer and director for New Sensations. She is known for a wide-range of films from romantic comedies to edgier all-sex releases with her most acclaimed titles being: Torn, The Friend Zone, Power and Control, Love is a Dangerous Game, The Submission of Emma Marx, and Dear Abby. Torn, her most successful film to date, went on to receive Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Couples’ Release, and Best Screenplay award wins during the 2012 award season. During her career in adult, Jacky has been an advocate of couple's-oriented pornography and has been a guest speaker at UC - Santa Barbara, UCLA, AEE, XBIZ 360 and has been featured in several popular mainstream publications including Jezebel, Slate, and the Examiner. Jacky shares pictures, clips, and stories about her successes and debacles as a woman working within the adult industry on her website: From? An east coast, white-bred, conservative town Age? 36 Fav. Food? Sushi or Pizza! Although I will eat just about anything. Fav. Alcoholic Drink? I am not a drinker, but when I do drink, it's usually Chocolate wine! Fav. Book? Bright Shiny Morning by James Frey. I also am a fan of We Need to Talk about Kevin, The Count of Monte Cristo, and the Complete Works of Shakespeare Fav. Movie? It's a toss up between Miracle (about the 1980 US Hockey team defeating the Soviets) or Shawshank Redemption (which was cinematic perfection). One Fun Fact? I have a severe allergy to cooking. I'm working through it.

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