The More Sex – The Merrier?

It’s kind of embarrassing, but my girlfriend wants sex 3 times a day. I can’t keep up! What should I do?

Erik, 29, FL

Dear Erik,

Oh boy! I’ve been in your girlfriend’s shoes, so I can completely understand! Having the same sex drive as your partner is important in maintaining a healthy sex life, but if you don’t have one, never fear. Incompatible sex drives are certainly not deal breakers…if you try and work with what you’ve got!

My recommendation to you would be first to communicate your frustration with this. There is nothing wrong with not being able or interested in having sex three times a day. Trust me, that’s a lot for most people. I am guessing this is a new relationship? If so, her desire for having it all the time will likely wane over time. If you’ve been together for a long time, there might be something else going on with her that she seems to have such an insatiable appetite. I am not a licensed professional, but when people seek out things to excess, it is usually to mask an underlying problem. Let’s be honest. If you’re having sex three times a day – how do you manage work, hobbies, friendships, and other important components in making you a well-rounded individual? It seems like a lot to juggle.

I also suggest that when you talk to her, you present some solutions for how this could potentially work for BOTH of you! For example, would you be interested in helping her to cum three times a day, even if you weren’t necessarily having intercourse? Would you be interested in watching her masturbate? You could even buy her a vibrator or a fun sex toy, which can be used when you are both engaged in sex or when she is engaging in sex with herself. There are options for making this work.

I think what’s most important is keeping the dialogue open and for being understanding about her own needs. Some women might also feel like they’re being rejected when their partner doesn’t match their sex drive. They might ask all those insecure questions. “Am I not pretty enough?”, “Does he not find me attractive?”, “Why doesn’t he want me? What’s wrong with me?”. So make sure whenever you talk to her, you start the conversation by letting her know how sexy you find her, how attracted you are to her, yadda yadda.

I’d also like to add, sometimes building that tension in between each sexual experience can keep the passion high and things from getting burnt out too soon. You want that fire to stay burning for as long as possible! The honeymoon stage doesn’t last forever, but real relationships filled with openness and honesty do!

Good luck! Keep me posted.

Jacky St. James

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About The Author

Jacky St. James hails from the East Coast, graduating with a BA in Drama and Anthropology and is a multiple award winning adult writer and director for New Sensations. She is known for a wide-range of films from romantic comedies to edgier all-sex releases with her most acclaimed titles being: Torn, The Friend Zone, Power and Control, Love is a Dangerous Game, The Submission of Emma Marx, and Dear Abby. Torn, her most successful film to date, went on to receive Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Couples’ Release, and Best Screenplay award wins during the 2012 award season. During her career in adult, Jacky has been an advocate of couple's-oriented pornography and has been a guest speaker at UC - Santa Barbara, UCLA, AEE, XBIZ 360 and has been featured in several popular mainstream publications including Jezebel, Slate, and the Examiner. Jacky shares pictures, clips, and stories about her successes and debacles as a woman working within the adult industry on her website: From? An east coast, white-bred, conservative town Age? 36 Fav. Food? Sushi or Pizza! Although I will eat just about anything. Fav. Alcoholic Drink? I am not a drinker, but when I do drink, it's usually Chocolate wine! Fav. Book? Bright Shiny Morning by James Frey. I also am a fan of We Need to Talk about Kevin, The Count of Monte Cristo, and the Complete Works of Shakespeare Fav. Movie? It's a toss up between Miracle (about the 1980 US Hockey team defeating the Soviets) or Shawshank Redemption (which was cinematic perfection). One Fun Fact? I have a severe allergy to cooking. I'm working through it.

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