My wife and I are swingers, fairly new to the lifestyle and for the most part we’re completely comfortable. The one exception is the time of the month that she’s hormonal. I’m always trying to let her know she’s the one true one for me and that it’s just sex and has nothing to do with love, but yet she still gets jealous from time to time. Is there anything I can do to let her know I love her and she has no reason to be jealous?
Aaron, CA, 31
I would venture to say that if she is feeling insecure during her period, she’s probably feeling insecure other times of the month as well. Just because some women become emotional during their menstrual cycle, doesn’t mean that those feelings are not genuine, or based in truth. I would recommend talking to her at a time where she appears to be more secure with your lifestyle and ask her why she is feeling particularly confident.
While jealousy is a natural emotion to feel, especially among people in open relationships, it should not be overlooked or ignored. I’m glad you are willing to address this instead of gloss it over. Her jealousy could be a manifestation of her own challenges with embracing this lifestyle. It could be a reflection of her own insecurities and shortcomings. It could be a deeper seeded issue that stems as far back as childhood. That being said, for your relationship to reach an ultimate place of trust and acceptance, you need to get to the root of why she is feeling insecure. Chances are, if you can work through this bump in the road and come to a solid understanding of the problem, your relationship will be stronger for it. However, be aware of the fact that addressing the issue might require more than simply providing verbal assurance – it might also require an adaptation to your current lifestyle. Are you OK with that? Are you OK with setting different ground rules?
You may want to consider taking a temporary break from swinging while you work through these issues and then slowly integrate it back into your lives. Once you both have a solid foundation of trust within your relationship, you’ll be far better equipped at enjoying the benefits of being swingers. If not, then you’re basically just putting a band-aid over a bullet hole and eventually…the dam is gonna break.
Let me know how it goes!
Want to ask Jacky a question about love, sex, relationships, porn or the adult industry? Click here to submit your questions!