The “WOW” in this toy’s title was assigned by the manufacturer. It’s part of a complete line of WOWs. I’ve admired them for a while, so when Pipedream asked if I had any requests, I shouted “WOW!” (Not really. I emailed, “I’d love something from the WOW line.” Woulda been cooler if I’d shouted.)
The good folks at Pipedream sent me not one, not two, but THREE WOW products! I was so excited, I made W’s with my fingers and formed my mouth into an O.
No, really, that I actually did.
I can’t speak for the rest of the WOWs since tonight’s WOW was my first (Its siblings are up next in my Taboo Toy Review queue) but I don’t know that “WOW” is the term I’d use to describe the G-Motion. I’d sooner coin it “Like Whoa” or “What the?!” or “Holy S#!t”
Let’s start with the box. When you tilt it from side it does that hologram thing where the image appears to move. That’s not a hologram at all, is it? You know what I mean, though? Check out Taboo’s Instagram if you don’t. Yes, it’s so cool I posted a video to Instagram.
The back of the box is equally stimulating. It brags “Featuring three synchronized motors in perfect harmony … unlike anything you have ever seen!” I don’t know about the harmony thing, but it is undeniably unlike anything I’ve ever seen. It continues, “Regular rabbit vibes are great, but… in short, they are unsatisfying at best and uncomfortable at worst.” Ohhhh shit. Did you just call out the RABBIT? Is that even a thing you’re allowed to DO?
The rabbit is a god among vibes. Pretty much every manufacturer has a rabbit or 100, and Pipedream is no exception. Traditional rabbits combine a rotating, penetrating shaft and a clitoral vibrator with ears. They cover the two most obvious sexual bases, but now that you mention it, is rotation REALLY what you want in a moving shaft? I’ve never requested a lover to “swirl it all around” or to make like the hokey pokey and turn himself about.
We ladies have but one g-spot, and it deserves all the attention it can get. Rather than aimlessly circumnavigating our vaginal walls, the WOW G-Motion thrusts in only one direction. You heard me correctly–it not only curves upward, it thrusts that way.
Powered by four AAs (so you know it means business) it features as many buttons: one turns it on and off, one controls the clitoral vibration, another the vibration of the shaft, and the fourth powers the “thrilling G-Motion action.” “Why on earth,” I wondered, “is this motion optional?” Not only is it the toy’s primary selling point, it immediately reminded me of an internal Maro Kawaii. I was pretty thrilled before we began. It seemed to me that the shaft vibration and the G-Motion could/should be combined into one control. Then I actually used it.
The WOW G-Motion is waterproof and made from super-soft silicone. Its bunny’s ears are every bit as caressable as an actual bunny’s. I kicked things off with the bunny and the shaft humming on low. “Humming” might be an understatement. Low is pretty intense. I knocked it up to the second level (both bunny and shaft offer ten) and went ahead and activated the G-Motion.
That’s about the time a bucking bronco broke free from the rodeo and decided to do its thing in my vagina. Seriously, this G-Motion is out of control. #likewhoa. #whatthe. #holys#!t.
As if there were a woman for whom this intense upward thrusting would not be enough, Pipedream offers three speeds. That’s right, the G-Motion was on LOW when it threatened to break my wrist and lady parts. I quickly put a stop to all G-Motion action, kicked both shaft and bunny up to speed three, and regrouped.
A bit more prepared, I gave it a second go, and it was nice. I think. It must have been, because I finished before I fully understood what was happening.
Stunned and dazed, I wondered if I should spend another night or two with the G-Motion before reviewing it. He’s a partner I’m a little bit in love with and a little bit afraid of. A commanding presence I don’t fully comprehend. A possibly rabid wild animal bent on immediately and intensely satisfying me.
But I’ve got a box of toys waiting for me and while I take my role as a sex toy reviewer stupid serious, I’m simply not the type to donate three consecutive nights to one toy. Besides, I’m 99% sure my original formal statement would still stand: Like Whoa.
Get yours here!